Meet Gunner Hayes

Gunner Hayes

I have a SON!!!! And just like everyone warned me, he stole my heart!

Sweet baby Gunners arrival was a tough one. My hardest of them all and just like his pregnancy it has put me through the ringer and has left me with a few battle wounds! I had been in labor for days with consistent contractions and sleepless nights filled with timing and wondering if this was it! Because he was breech I had to rush up to the hospital when I went into labor in hopes that there was still time to flip him externally.

A week before he arrived I did end up in labor and delivery contracting 2 min. apart and needing a flip! I had to be given medication to stop my contractions in order to relax my uterus enough to flip him successfully. What sucked the most was that this medication gives you anxiety, a rapid heartbeat and a wicked case of the shakes. Three things that don’t help out when your doctor is about to turn your baby by manipulating him from the outside of your belly! And the answer is YES!!!  To flip your baby hurts like the dickens! Thankfully I had a ton of amniotic fluid so he flipped easily but holy cow! I’d do it again that’s for sure if it kept me far away from a c section but you won’t see me volunteering to do it for kicks and giggles!

They sent me home after the flip because I wasn’t dilating but man was I contraction! That pretty much set off my week long contraction party! Painful and consistent but by  my next appointment 4 days later both myself and my doctor were in shock that I was still pregnant! NO CERVICAL CHANGE! Talk about a disappointment! With all my contractions I was certain my doctor was going to tell me I was 6cm and 100% effaced! No such luck!

Finally, days later I had had enough! FINALLY I had contractions that stopped me in my tracts while on a walk ( you better believe I was walking as much as possible and doing everything under the sun to try to get things going!) so we kissed the kids goodby and headed up to the hospital! After getting hooked up to monitors and having strong contractions 2 min apart I was checked…. 2cm! AHHHHHH! Sooo frustrating! I knew I was about to be sent home but why on earth was my body not cooperating! My body had always known what to do and this time it didn’t!

DSC00383

I had wanted to avoid pitocin and was ready for my hypno birthing love fest to begin but here I was in labor for a week and not progressing. I opted to get started on pitocin even though I had hoped to avoided it! I needed to get this going! 9 hours later. YES you read that right! 9 HOURS LATER I was checked again and I had only progressed to 3cm! Utter devastation! It was 6 a.m. and I had been awake for over 24 hours and on pit all night long! I was exhausted! At this point the fear of ending up needing a c section was hanging over me. Why was I not progressing?

DSC00389

After about an hour of mental back and forth I decided my body needed to rest in hopes that the change might change me and I asked for an epidural. It was like a personal defeat for me. For one who has had beautiful natural deliveries in the past, having to ask for an epidural was crushing but I didn’t know what else to do.  30 minutes later I was in agony as the anesthesiologist was poking me. Three attempts later she finally had it in but not after poking my spinal fluid and having to warn me that I was most likely going to be getting a spinal headache the next day that could last weeks! This news sent me into such a dark place. Here I was, getting an epidural I never wanted and now I just put my health in jeopardy. Oh…and the cherry on top was that the epidural NEVER worked! Not a single moment of pain relief. Just absolute regret and pain and the daunting realization that headaches were on the horizon.

DSC00387

Thank heavens for my amazing husband. I was in such despair and he was by my side the entire time! I’ll love him forever because of that! Makes me cry all over again when I picture him next to me!  At some point during all this hell I went from 3cm to 10cm in like 10 minutes and I was ready to push! That sensation when your kid is ready to sky rocket out of your crotch is undeniable so when I told my nurse he was coming NOW she seemed to not believe the urgency in my voice and the grimace on my face! Problem was my doctor wasn’t there! I had progressed so fast out of no where he had just gotten the call that he might want to make his way up to the hospital!

There I was with a watermelon ready to explode between my legs and I was told to “hold it in sweetheart!” After 15 minutes of begging, warning and asking for any qualified catcher in the hospital, even the janitor if need be, my doctor ran in. The moment I heard he was there I finally pushed him out. 2 pushes and a 2nd degree tear later my 9 lb. baby was placed on my chest! Umm yeah…he was 9 lbs HUGE and two weeks early!

DSC00392

DSC00399

It’s amazing how a 9 lb baby looks like a 9 lb. baby! There was nothing small about him! Huge hands, feet and a swollen face! But he was here and the misery was over…so I thought!

I hate to admit it but it wasn’t love at first sight. My trepidations to having a son were always there! I was nervous the moment we found out he was a he! Everyone told me that would change the moment I laid eyes on him. But there we were, meeting for the first time and all I could do was try to catch my breath and calm down after my horrific night. I’m sad over it, really. I wanted it to be a magical moment like all of you had told me it would be like.

A few hours later it was just me and my brand new ball of baby. Mike was out of the room for some reason and I was holding my son. I remember it so clearly (yes I’m crying right now!) but I looked down at him and he was starring at me. It was the first time I saw him with his  eyes open and the look on his face just whispered to me ” I am yours and you are mine!” And it was right then that my heart melted and he moved in for good.  He forgave me for my tardiness in loving him to my core. It was as if he knew we needed that quiet moment alone to officially fall in love.  My heart felt healed for the very first time in over two years.

DSC00432

Thankfully the love fest for baby brother was instant with everyone else in the family! Bigger smiles then I’ve ever seen on three big sisters who loved him from the start.

DSC00438

DSC00400

I know Mike loves every single fresh from heaven baby the same and maybe it’s just been forever since we’ve had a new born so I’ve forgotten, but he is IN LOVE big time!!! This little boy has Mike wrapped around his little finger! It’s my new favorite thing to see these two together.

Later that afternoon the headache started! It was the most intense pain I had ever experienced. The only relief I had was when I was flat on my back. The reality of this pain was overwhelming and the thought of having them for days or weeks on end was too much for me. The next morning I had a procedure called a ” blood patch” where they draw a large amount of blood from my arm and inject it into my back through an epidural where my spinal fluid was leaking. If it works the blood will clot around the leak and patch it up and relieve the pain. Thankfully I did get some relief and went home with fingers crossed that I was going to be on the mend. Sadly my pain relief was short lived. My blood patch came loose and my headaches were back twice as strong as before with much less relief when laying flat. I felt like I was going to die! Three days after delivering and on my birthday I was back in the hospital begging for another blood patch. It was the worst and best birthday ever! I had to get another epidural but the procedure worked and with fear of it dislodging again I was on strict warning to not bend, twist or pick up anything heavier then Gunner! I would hop on one foot naked for hours if it would promise me to not experience that pain ever again! The only side effect from the blood patch is a horrible back ache but believe you me, I’d endure that over the headaches any day. When we got back from the hospital that day I said to my husband ” I have never been so thankful to be in this much pain!” and I meant it!

Life with baby brother at home as been wonderful besides the pain I have been living with. Last week I stopped taking my pain medication and discovered a new throbbing pain in my lower back and butt. That’s right folks! I broke my tail bone during delivery! REALLY? REEEEALLY!!! Seems so. The combination of being petite, having a large baby and having to hold him in for so long resulted in a tail bone injury that will only get better with time. I die a small death when I stand up, sit and walk so basically all day and night! I swear… I have been living with pain for 3 months now and it’s starting to take it’s toll on me. Today I’ve been stewing in a pity party, party of 1! I am so tired of hurting. I feel robbed of a child birth I wanted so badly and my recovery has been far from smooth. Time will tell. Fingers crossed my body can bounce back sooner then later.

I’m trying to focus on the good and wonderful and that is our sweet little Gunner!

DSC00408

DSC00417

DSC00419

DSC07665

He is darling and sweet and sleeps like a champs! He is the missing piece to my heart puzzle and we are all in love. I’d give almost anything for a “do over” when it comes to his birth but I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world. He is mine and I am his!

32 Comments

Comments

  1. 1

    Congratulations! What a beautiful baby boy! I completely understand the devastation of not progressing during labor. I felt the same way during my 43 hour labor when my 9 lb 2 oz lil tank decided to be stubborn. Congrats again!!

  2. 2

    Thanks for sharing your story!….I’m due in June and I’m getting so nervous!…I have to ask you, where is your baby’s stripped blanked from?..Love it!

    • 3

      You are going to love this…It’s a piece of Knit fabric from a fabric store. One yard of knit gets you two super swaddle blankets. I love the stretch and you don’t need to finish the edges. It doesn’t fray! JoAnns carries some cute knit but this one is from a local shop here in Salt Lake. It’s my favorite!!!

  3. 4

    Congratulations! He is beautiful. I love big babies. My first child was 9lbs 5 oz and I was in labor for 3 days and I got stuck at 9cm and ended up with a fever and an emergency c-section. She still is a big girl! My second baby….a sweet boy who is now 4 months old was 9 lbs 12oz when he was born. Now he weighs 17lbs.

  4. 5

    He is beautiful!

  5. 6

    Congratulations. I’m sorry that you’re labor didn’t pan out exactly how you’d hoped. It can be so frustrating. Glad the headaches are gone, and that you have such a handsome little guy. I love 9 lb babies, not so much delivering them, but squishing them. My boys have been big, and I’m expecting our third-who will also share the middle name Hayes (family name). Congrats again, to you and your family.

  6. 7

    so amazing… i love your story. i can totally relate the the whole, “hold it in honey” scenario. enjoy him… they are precious!

  7. 8
    Courtney says:

    Oh sweet Becca! I’m so sorry you have had such a hard time. It sounds to me that the anesthesiologist didn’t know what she was doing. I have had two with no complications, sorry you had such an awful experience with it. Gunner is so sweet though, enjoy every minute of it! Can’t wait for our boys to meet! We’re planning a trip for 4th of July, hope you’ll be around. Love you!

  8. 9

    What a beautiful addition to your family. I’m sorry you have had to go through such pain to have him though. I suppose you don’t want to hear that my 3rd baby was just over 1 hour of labour? Enjoy him, time goes much too fast!

  9. 10

    Yay! So happy for your family! He is beautiful! Can’t wait to come and see you! xo

  10. 11
    Lindsay says:

    Congratulations!!! He’s adorable! I had a similar birth story with my 3rd son (born in March). I had to be induced for medical reasons, after having two natural, drug free deliveries with my first 2 boys. My body stalled at a 6, and I gave in and got the epidural, not knowing how many more hours of pain I’d have to endure. Well, wouldn’t you know it, by the time the epidural was placed, I rolled over and felt the baby drop down. Grr! My son was born 10 minutes later (lucky for me, my doctor was already in the hospital), before the epidural even had time to kick in. And then I got headaches for 2 weeks postpartum (nothing as awful as the dreaded spinal headache…but annoying nonetheless when you’re dealing with all the other fun postpartum stuff). What I wouldn’t give to have a birth do over!

  11. 12
    christina hales says:

    “When your kid is ready to skyrocket out of your crouch!”—hahah this is why we are friends–you KEEP IT REAL! Love that about you.
    My 2nd birth I didnt do epidural and i was in SOOO much pain–when she came out–i didnt care to hold her, see her, touch her—i wasnt crying or emotional–Jon was thankfully! All i wanted was drugs and to stop hurting. I felt bad that I felt this way–it was not a movie/dreamy situation-it was real life–ugly hard laboring life. I tease my 2nd child now that she was my WORST delivery!
    My 3rd I went through 5 epidural kits (it kept coagulating at the end AFTER THEY SLID IT ALL THE WAY THRU MY BACK–and i could feel them slide it ALL THE WAY BACK OUT MY BACK!!! holy.hales.) ended up breaking the hospital record–finally the 6th attempt worked–but it only worked on the left side–for.the.love. to top it off–i had a 9lb 11oz watermelon coming forth from my crotch. kill.me.now.
    I feel TERRIBLE FOR YOU!!!!!! I am SO SAD that you still have to deal with pain!!! I hope he ends up being a perfect child who sleeps through the night EARLY for you, never has blow outs, gets on a schedule & never cries. Fetch–prob not huh……well—there is something powerful about a Mother who raises a Son. You my friend are perfect for that role. Love you lady!!!

    • 13

      Holy Hales is right! So far Gun is living up to your prediction. He only wakes up once a night, has yet to have a blow out but now that we’ve said that watch…it will happen tomorrow! He is pretty awesome!

  12. 14

    So, so sorry that you had to go through all of that! My first delivery was similar (except I ended up with a C-section.) He is now 18, and I can honestly say that he has made up for his horrific arrival by being an incredibly easy child to raise. Hopefully your sweet little Gunner will be the same way! :)

  13. 16

    I was literally in shock reading your post… like reading my own words!! I just had my 3rd baby 3 1/2 months ago and it was a traumatic experience .. thats really the only way to describe it. My first two labors where relatively problem free – and so I fully expected an easy breasy labor. This one was so different.. and I knew it would be!! The whole time I was pregnant with her I had an uneasy feeling!! I forced the doctors to run every test they could and always insisted on an ultrasound.. I just felt like something wasn’t quite right!! I think in some weird way my body was trying to prepare me for what lie ahead. I was in labor for 18 hours.. I too was started on pitocin rather early and it seemed to do very little!! During every contraction my blood pressure would plummit so the nurse had to stand there and inject medicine into my iv during every contraction.. after the contraction was over the medicine would kick in and I would throw up all over. This happened for 10 hours… I had already had an epidural earlier and it did not work I was feeling everything. I had 2 more epidurals with no relief .. the anestesiologist said there was nothing else he could do. I finally dialated to a 10.. now I know that millions and millions of women experience natural child birth every minute but seriously this is something I could not have prepared myself for. I knew the minute she dropped and was ready to go — it was the most intense feeling I had ever felt … I also yelled to the nurse to get that dr in here now. She was certainly not very concerned… it was incredibly hard to hold yourself back during a contraction especially when you know the only relief from the pain is getting this baby OUT!! The dr came in and administered a pain medication into my iv because he said.” you will be pushing for awhile!!” as soon as he said this something snapped and I thought,” Oh no I am not!!!” I pushed and pushed and pushed I don’t think I even waited for contractions … and there she was. Beautiful and way larger then they thought and then my medicine kicked in and I laid back and passed out – completely out of it!! Here was the most amazing moment with my family and husband gathered around me and this new wonderful person i had just made and I don’t remember any of it!! My husband took video after she was born – I have been afraid to watch it because I knew it would break my heart!! I finally did watch it and at first I felt so robbed !! Like someone came and stole that moment from me and I will never get it back!! But then I realized how incredibly lucky I am – she is so happy and healthy (besides a few allergies and acid reflux) and I love my little family beyond words and it wouldn’t be complete with out our sweet baby girl!! Sorry for the SUPER long comment… I just felt so connected to this post!!! Thanks for sharing:)

    • 17

      Hugs to you sweet friend! Lets hope we can both cling to the miracle of it all and get over our deliveries! Honestly that’s what I pray for because it stings so hard to not have it go the way we had planned!

  14. 18

    Thank you for sharing! I adore a birth story :) I had a 9 pounder too – the thump of her being dumped on me after giving birth will never leave me. Also not a brilliant labour story not at all as planned but hey these 9lbers take a lot of effort to remove :) well done you! Xx

  15. 19
    Nicole says:

    Thanks for sharing!! Beautiful story!!

  16. 20

    My heart just broke learning of your spinal headaches. It brought me back to 2007. I had them for weeks following the birth of my son. AFTER the c-section…might I add.

    I pray you find a quick recovery.
    Nicolette

  17. 21

    First, cutest pregnant pic..ever!!!

    Second, I’m sorry about all of the crud you’ve had to go through! And I don’t think hospitals should ever make you wait to push when you have to push! Sometimes, you have no choice, right? Best wishes for a full and fast recovery!

    Third, I like big baby boys! Both of mine were 9.5 pounders, and came out looking buff, but that being said, I can’t imagine how he fit inside of you!

    Fourth, he is adorable, and I am so excited for you and your girls (and hubby) to have him. Just think of all the mothering he will have lavished upon him!

    Congrats!

  18. 23
    Kayla H says:

    Bless your heart! I know some of the frustration you are feeling from my own birth experiences. My oldest (almost 4) was born by emergency c-section. My water broke, and they started me on pit because I was only at 1 cm and had been contracting for several days prior. I only changed 1/2cm in the next 9+ hours, and as you know, induced contractions without an epidural hurt like the dickens! So we elected to do the section because I was not progressing. For my second baby (10 months old now), I was scheduled to have a repeat c-section, but my water broke before that and I ended up with an emergency c-section. The same doctor, who had done the first epidural with no problems, attempted my epidural at least 5 times, as did the CRNA student that he was supervising. They tried for at least 1 1/2 hours to get it in the right place, and almost had to put me under general anesthesia. They finally moved me to a different place on the bed where my shoulders were level and go it to work, finally! Very shortly afterwards I started throwing up (I did this with my 1st one too), and they gave me a shot to instantly stop that. They kept having to give me more pain meds too. Oh, it was an adventure! :) Ever since then, my sciatic nerve has been irritated, and it feels just like they are sticking me again for the epidural- over and over again. Soooo frustrating. But, my two sweet girls were all worth it! They are such blessings to me and my husband. I wanted an all natural birth, and I also wanted to breastfeed, neither of which worked out. I am thankful that there are other ways of achieving the same result. Praying that you recover soon! :)

  19. 24

    Congratulations! He is very beautiful.

  20. 25
    Nancy Carr says:

    Congratulations! Blessings to all

  21. 26

    Oh Becca, so sorry to hear about your whole ordeal. I had a spinal fluid puncture and I feel your pain! I told the doctor that it felt like a massive hangover except I didn’t get to enjoy the party lol I hope your tail bone gets better, chin up, time will heal it all, you will get through this.

  22. 27
    Pam in IL says:

    Congratulations! What a sweet baby you have. I’m sorry that things didn’t go how you planned. I too went through a delivery ordeal and felt robbed of that special birthing experience. I’ve been feeling like I was the only one to have gone through such a traumatic labor and delivery, but reading all the comments, I see that I am not alone in my experience and that makes all the difference.

    Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

  23. 28

    I appreciate your honesty in admitting you did not fall in love asap- I was the same way with my kiddo! It makes me sad to read a lot of your other complaints, though. I am sure there are a million and 1 infertile couples in the world who have no control over their situation who would kill for the chance to make the decisions of having an epidural or taking pitocin. You are truly blessed with a darling family.

    • 29

      Complaints? This was my personal story of how my son joined our family and in no way was it an attempt to complain or make me sound ungrateful for my family. It was an account of the struggles I had to get him here and how we are doing now. If I can’t share that on my own blog without getting criticized then that is pretty sad.

  24. 30

    Becca! He is adorable! Seriously, how does your tiny body make a 9lb. baby?!

    So happy he is here, and I’m so so sorry you had such a rough go with his delivery. I hope you are feeling so much better, so you can enjoy his newness. What a sweet little bundle on that giant bed. I love that picture.

  25. 31
    Lyn Tibbitts says:

    I just had a boy on Feb. 19th and YES, they do steal your heart! I’m sorry you had a rough delivery – just reading about it made me hurt. Lol. But it certainly was worth it because little Gunner is so stinkin’ handsome.

  26. 32

    This design is spectacular! You most certainly know how
    to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and
    your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!)
    Great job. I really enjoyed what you had to say,
    and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

Speak Your Mind

*