2011 SUCKED! There! I said it! I hated 2011 and was more then excited to kiss it goodby at midnight on Dec. 31st. See ya later loser year!
I had every good intention on welcoming 2012 with open and loving arms. I was ready for a new start, fresh perspective and much needed joy and happiness. So far??? Well, lets see…
I had pneumonia all of January, seemed to recover all of February and here I am half way threw March and feel like I’ve had a false start! Eeeeerrrrr!
Ugg! Come on Becks!
I’m totally in the middle of a life pivot. You know… where you are standing at a cross road and you have two options. You can A. keep walking down the same path where you have proven to master the skills of being sad, uninspired, angry, miserable at times and find yourself surviving instead of living or B. make a small pivot to the left and walk down a path where you snap out of it, try anything to make smiling less of a chore and more of a reflex, where days are filled with triumphs and ease and you can actually stand to be around yourself!
It sounds like an easy decision but man oh man has it been a struggle for me!
I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve been a little more MIA on Blue Cricket these last few months! I needed to take some time off in order to gear up for my big “Life Pivot!” You see…it’s much harder to chose a happy path when the one you are on is so cozy and familiar. “Cozy” I’m sure sounds like the wrong sort of word to describe depression and anxiety but honestly it does feel that way at times. It’s a new normal. It’s what you wake up to, what you muddle threw and what you tuck in at night. It’s like that ugly cozy robe your husband hates to see you wearing EVERY day! Throw it away already, right!
I get it! I get it!
So I made the choice, again, I might add ( apparently it can take a few attempts to pivot. It’s harder then it looks and might take more then one go at it!) to pivot. I’ve been trying so so hard to fix myself. Some might say that “fixing” ones self is unnessisary when it comes to grief but I am just plain tired of myself! Sooooooo tired of myself that I think a new stage of grife should be added to the list. At the very end of the 7 signs of grief I think we need to add “Life Pivot.”
STAGE 8: Life Pivot: Where you simply change the direction your life is going cause let’s face it people…the other path just ain’t working for ya!
It’s not easy. Life Pivoting takes a lot of “on purpose” living. It takes extra effort, elimination, selfishness and trying new things!
For me I’m trying everything. I eliminated as much stress in my life as I could. I hired amazing contributors who have helped step in and make BCD run. I eliminated a lot of my business stresses and have seen a HUGE improvement in my over all level of wanting to pull my hair out. I’ve also cut back a ton on my online time! HELLO free time! I forgot what that felt like!
I’ve become a little selfish! I treat myself to little luxuries that make me smile. I read for pleasure, WHAT?????, I know! I’ve read a few novels and am nose deep in a Ben Franklin biography that brings me more joy then I ever imagined possible! Side bar: Did you know Ben Franklin common law married a woman who was already married to a man who disappeared? Juicy right! Any who… I take myself to the movies, I eat what I want and I hit up a Matt Townsend “Smart Life for Woman” class when I can snag a babysitter.
Matt’s classes are pretty fantastic! It’s a big group class with only ladies and he discusses a topic each week that really hits home for me! p.s. These classes are so amazing that you want everyone you know to come to them but it’s also like having a yard sale. All your “crap” is on your front lawn and you don’t want your neighbors to come and see that you owned a Thigh Master and have a collection of Holiday Barbies. See what I mean! So if you ever come to one of these classes and see me and I’m tearing up and shaking my head cause Matt just mentioned your dead grandma putting her arms around you and telling you to ” take a deep breath, it will be ok!” just ignore me and let’s pretend you didn’t see my “yard sale crap!”
I’m also trying new things! I started piano lessons. After 7 years and only having had three months of lessons under my adult belt, I’m trying it again. “Skip to my Lou” is proving to be my new anthem these days and I am enjoying the challenge. I know my goal of being able to sit down and play an Adele song is years away but the joy I find in doing an 8 note scale with the proper fingering is pretty darn fantastic! I’m learning that I’m worth investing in!
I’ve also started attending the LDS temple weekly. This is me trying new things and selfish at the same time. (WARNING: supper dupper personal confessions ahead!!) My spirituality has been suffering for years! I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I love my membership in this gospel. I was born into this faith and have always had a strong testimony of it’s teaching. It was easy for me to feel the spirit, to feel like a loved daughter of God and to serve in the church but for the last few years I have been struggling to feel the way I used to. It’s been a long time since I’ve been overwhelmed by the spirit, where a song has moved me to tears or where I felt like I could serve in a calling and have something to give. This is a big deal to me. It’s a big deal because my religion is a huge part of who I am, how I live and how I raise my family. Can you imagine how hard life would be when you are missing an important piece of the puzzle. It’s like trying to drive a car without a steering wheel. I’m trying new things and throwing myself into things that are meant to help bring peace, joy and purpose. I am indexing ( a service project where I enter information from old documents so people like you and me can find information about our ancestors) I am reading more scriptures and talks from my church leaders and I am attending the temple as often as I can desperate to feel a change. This is a very personal and difficult struggle for me. I’m not used to having spiritual lows but here I am and I’m working on it!
So there you have it. That’s me and my Life Pivot. I’m working hard and seeing small improvements. The other day at the gym I had a conversation with my husband that went a little something like this…
Me: Man, I’ve been in a good mood for the past few days!
Hubs: Great! Do you know why?
Me: Who cares!!!!!
That’s about right! Who cares! I’ll take a day where I sing along to my favorite song and take my kids to the park for no other reason other then feeling like it any day!! That’s what I’m looking forward to. More effortless joy!
My pivot is starting to work! So pardon my absent. Forgive my lack of Mod Podge and glitter. My latest project of working on “me” is taking top priority and proving to be more important then I thought!
This video has brought a lot of hope and smiles to me as of late. I hope you enjoy it as well…