Life pivot

2011 SUCKED! There! I said it! I hated 2011 and was more then excited to kiss it goodby at midnight on Dec. 31st. See ya later loser year!

I had every good intention on welcoming 2012 with open and loving arms. I was ready for a new start, fresh perspective and much needed joy and happiness. So far??? Well, lets see…

I had pneumonia all of January, seemed to recover all of February and here I am half way threw March and feel like I’ve had a false start! Eeeeerrrrr!

Ugg! Come on Becks!

I’m totally in the middle of a life pivot. You know… where you are standing at a cross road and you have two options. You can A. keep walking down the same path where you have proven to master the skills of being sad, uninspired, angry, miserable at times and find yourself surviving instead of living or B. make a small pivot to the left and walk down a path where you snap out of it, try anything to make smiling less of a chore and more of a reflex, where days are filled with triumphs and ease and you can actually stand to be around yourself!

It sounds like an easy decision but man oh man has it been a struggle for me!

I’m sure you’ve noticed I’ve been a little more MIA on Blue Cricket these last few months! I needed to take some time off in order to gear up for my big “Life Pivot!” You see…it’s much harder to chose a happy path when the one you are on is so cozy and familiar. “Cozy” I’m sure sounds like the wrong sort of word to describe depression and anxiety but honestly it does feel that way at times. It’s a new normal. It’s what you wake up to, what you muddle threw and what you tuck in at night. It’s like that ugly cozy robe your husband hates to see you wearing EVERY day! Throw it away already, right!

I get it! I get it!

So I made the choice, again, I might add ( apparently it can take a few attempts to pivot. It’s harder then it looks and might take more then one go at it!) to pivot. I’ve been trying so so hard to fix myself.  Some might say that “fixing” ones self is unnessisary when it comes to grief but I am just plain tired of myself! Sooooooo tired of myself that I think a new stage of grife should be added to the list. At the very end of the 7 signs of grief I think we need to add “Life Pivot.”

STAGE 8: Life Pivot: Where you simply change the direction your life is going cause let’s face it people…the other path just ain’t working for ya!

It’s not easy. Life Pivoting takes a lot of “on purpose” living. It takes extra effort, elimination, selfishness and trying new things!

For me I’m trying everything. I eliminated as much stress in my life as I could. I hired amazing contributors who have helped step in and make BCD run. I eliminated a lot of my business stresses and have seen a HUGE improvement in my over all level of wanting to pull my hair out. I’ve also cut back a ton on my online time! HELLO free time! I forgot what that felt like!

I’ve become a little selfish! I treat myself to little luxuries that make me smile. I read for pleasure, WHAT?????, I know! I’ve read a few novels and am nose deep in a Ben Franklin biography that brings me more joy then I ever imagined possible! Side bar: Did you know Ben Franklin common law married a woman who was already married to a man who disappeared? Juicy right! Any who… I take myself to the movies, I eat what I want and I hit up a Matt Townsend “Smart Life for Woman” class when I can snag a babysitter.

Matt’s classes are pretty fantastic! It’s a big group class with only ladies and he discusses a topic each week that really hits home for me! p.s.  These classes are so amazing that you want everyone you know to come to them but it’s also like having a yard sale. All your “crap” is on your front lawn and you don’t want your neighbors to come and see that you owned a Thigh Master and  have a collection of Holiday Barbies. See what I mean! So if you ever come to one of these classes and see me and I’m tearing up and shaking my head cause Matt just mentioned your dead grandma putting her arms around you and telling you to ” take a deep breath, it will be ok!” just ignore me and let’s pretend you didn’t see my “yard sale crap!”

I’m also trying new things! I started piano lessons. After 7 years and only having had three months of lessons under my adult belt, I’m trying it again. “Skip to my Lou” is proving to be my new anthem these days and I am enjoying the challenge. I know my goal of being able to sit down and play an Adele song is years away but the joy I find in doing an 8 note scale with the proper fingering is pretty darn fantastic! I’m learning that I’m worth investing in!

I’ve also started attending the LDS temple weekly. This is me trying new things and selfish at the same time. (WARNING: supper dupper personal confessions ahead!!) My spirituality has been suffering for years! I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I love my membership in this gospel. I was born into this faith and have always had a strong testimony of it’s teaching. It was easy for me to feel the spirit, to feel like a loved daughter of God and to serve in the church but for the last few years I have been struggling to feel the way I used to. It’s been a long time since I’ve been overwhelmed by the spirit, where a song has moved me to tears or where I felt like I could serve in a calling and have something to give.  This is a big deal to me. It’s a big deal because my religion is a huge part of who I am, how I live and how I raise my family. Can you imagine how hard life would be when you are missing an important piece of the puzzle. It’s like trying to drive a car without a steering wheel. I’m trying new things and throwing myself into things that are meant to help bring peace, joy and purpose. I am indexing ( a service project where I enter information from old documents so people like you and me can find information about our ancestors) I am reading more scriptures and talks from my church leaders and I am attending the temple as often as I can desperate to feel a change. This is a very personal and difficult struggle for me. I’m not used to having spiritual lows but here I am and I’m working on it!

So there you have it. That’s me and my Life Pivot. I’m working hard and seeing small improvements. The other day at the gym I had a conversation with my husband that went a little something like this…

 

Me: Man, I’ve been in a good mood for the past few days!

Hubs: Great! Do you know why?

Me: Who cares!!!!!

 

That’s about right! Who cares! I’ll take a day where I sing along to my favorite song and take my kids to the park for no other reason other then feeling like it any day!! That’s what I’m looking forward to. More effortless joy!

My pivot is  starting to work! So pardon my absent. Forgive my lack of Mod Podge and glitter. My latest project of working on “me” is taking top priority and proving to be more important then I thought!

 

This video has brought a lot of hope and smiles to me as of late. I hope you enjoy it as well…

 

 

 

 

 

45 Comments

Comments

  1. 1

    Congratulations on your new journey and I wish you well. Loved the video, it made me go and check on both of my kiddos…..they are both asleep, but I must remember to hug them that little bit tighter tomorrow when they wake up.
    Carolyn

  2. 2

    Glad you are feeling better; it’s so difficult to shake things up. I’m definitely a creature of habit, but I’m always amazed at how a new path invigorates me.

  3. 3
    Grammy Deed says:

    The family is what it is all about. Not the blogging world. I love that you share your many talents but the focus should stay with your family. Honestly those who blog are like a constant volunteer and who has time to volunteer when you are raising a family. Take time for yourself/family and DO NOT feel guilty that you are not blogging. Like I said I love that you share endlessly with us but please please give yourself some piece of mind-don’t be a supper human and think you have to do it all. Those darling children will be gone and in college and you will be grieving over lost time with them and that is a horrible feeling. Hang in there and do something for you today.

    • 4

      You are so right! I can’t busy away these years! I have enjoyed my time off from projects and blogging ans will keep up this new pace rather then get too bogged down like I was before! Thanks for your reminder that family needs to be front and center!

  4. 5
    Heather Troynak says:

    Good for you Becca! I mean REALLY good for you. I’ve been online MIA as well, on a several year long life pivot, trying to figure out who I am right now and who I would like to be…um…soon?…now that my children are hitting those ages and stages when you realize that sooner rather than later I won’t have their lives and career paths to hide behind. I’m more than a little terrified.

    I ran away from the BCD and all you other amazing bloggers who really have it together. Have made something for yourselves, by yourselves. So much adoration from my side flowing towards you, I ended up intimidated. What did I have to offer other than quippy comments and a blog that had no direction or inspiration? RUN AWAY!

    You know how in the magazines they have that section about Celebrities Being Just Like Us(snort)? I’m so glad Becca is just like us. Not that I wish you to have had the struggles you’ve faced, but the reality is that REALITY IS!

    Let’s just keep pivoting together. As many times as we need. I’ll come back to the BCD, I read you on Twitter every day. I do swear, a bit of a potty mouth, I’m sorry…I know you don’t like that, but it’s kinda small part of me. But I’m a person, I’m a happy and supportive friend, and gosh darn it, I LIKE me!(not sure why I thought it was necessary to type that. Whatevs.)

    It’s 5:40tooearlyam. I’m going back to bed for a while. But, you know, GOOD MORNING BECCA! YOU ARE LOVED!

    • 6

      Heather I love you!!!! thanks for that sweet comment! I am just like you! I am just like all of us woman who struggle keeping it together and balancing it all. I’ve always been that way and I am just trying to keep my head above water most of the time. I’m very open about my short coming but need to be remind myself that I don’t struggle alone. Some times it feels like I’m the only one with heavy burdens but I know I’m not and that lifts my spirits in a odd way, like you said, you don’t wish that others had hard times but we sort of feel more connected when we do!
      So glad you are here and trust me, a potty mouth doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I’ve become more of a potty brain over this last year! I find myself swearing in my head more then I’d like to admit! I chalk it up to grief anger and I’m ok with that! Makes me laugh when I think of it…. it’s probably ironic humor that I need in my day to keep me going at time! Ha!

      • 7
        Heather Troynak says:

        I love you too, Becca, you outrageously gorgeous woman!

        I pivoted today. I slept in(we are on spring break) until I was done instead of trudging out to do chores that will wait. Instead of a bagel with cream cheese, I had a bowl of healthy cereal and a big glass of water. And I came to the BCD :D

  5. 8

    Glad to know that you have seen some good results from the changes you’ve made. It’s true those pivotal moments can be difficult. — Going through one of my own right now. It’s a pivot that’s been forced on us — instead of chosen. Thanks for the insight. – Suzanne

    • 9

      Hugs and best of luck on your pivot as well! It’s a process for sure but seeing the tiniest glimmer of light makes me work harder and keep going! You can do it!!!

  6. 10

    As one LDS woman to another….thank you. It is so easy to feel like I am the only one who struggles….every day. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not alone….and I CAN do something about it. There is so much change and upheaval in my life right now. Maybe a life pivot is just what I need. Instead of crawling back into my hole of denial and avoidance I can find a new way to deal and make a positive change. Thank you and good luck with your own journey.

    • 11

      Thanks you Lori! My spiritual struggles are my biggest challenge right now and becasue of that it makes all my other stuggles feel that much harder! It is hard but I am determined to feel the way I once did. I’ve discovered that my struggles in the gospel are different from others but still the same. I am not tempted and destroyed by drugs, adultery, addiction, or other more obvious sins but my struggles, my lack of feeling the spirit, effect me the same way. It just plain SUCKS! That’s why I need to work as hard as ever to get back to where I was! Thanks for reaching out ans sharing with me! You have lifted me today!

  7. 12
    Bethaney says:

    Loved this post! Thanks for sharing…..I think my favorite part was – who cares! I need this in my life! Thanks for the bit of Heart!

  8. 14

    Our teenage daughter happened upon your blog, and I watch for your posts. Please know that you are loved and cared for, even though some of us are just lurkers. :) I enjoyed this post, and I’m so glad to know that we share our faith! Thank you for the beautiful reminder today.

  9. 16

    Loved this post, Becca! I’ve been really sparse on my blog lately, too. It feels good to take time off and reflect on things that bring us true joy. That video is awesome. I’ve never seen it before, so thanks for sharing!

    Aloha,
    Charlie

    • 17

      Thanks, Charlie!!!! Life of a blogger huh!!! WE all go threw ups and downs and some how find our way getting threw it! The video is awesome! I think I watch it a few times a week as a pick me up!

  10. 18

    Hi Becca
    Sending you big wishes for a great year!

  11. 20

    Yeah for you! You ARE amazing (even if you don’t feel like it some days!)

  12. 22

    I love that! “Life Pivot!” I’ve been dealing with a bit of a funk lately too and finally feel like I’m starting to come out of it. It’s a fantastic feeling to be in a good mood, even when you’ve got a kid screaming at you! Good luck with your journey! I hope the path leads where you hope!

    • 23

      Thanks, Shandra! You’re right! If you can find joy in a moment when a kid is less then thrilled then you ar eon to something!!!!

  13. 24

    I just wanted to be another person in your cheering section, Becca. Way to go! If anyone can get themselves on the right track, you can, and you’re turning to all the right places spiritually to help you do that. Cream rises to the top, and I know you’re on your way up. Thinking of you!

  14. 26

    As a gal who drudged thru 2011, I feel you! But that is why the Lord gives us new days, new years, and new perspectives. I hate that you have been feeling ill, but even that has a plan — to help you slow down. So take it in and enjoy life! Great post!.

    You need to look up John Acuff and you tube his “hinge” moment talk – right on with what you are talking about.

    • 27

      Thanks for that suggestion Heather !I defiantly will look John up! I am trying to feed my progress and things that that will help!

  15. 28

    Thanks for the honesty. I am with you. I feel all those things too. Good for you for choosing joy. It is hard work sometimes! Love you.

  16. 29

    Good for you Becca! There is nothing like not knowing who you are anymore. It is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I have someone in my life that the more I give the MORE they take until I didn’t have any of me left. When I feel this happening again, I have to remember to stop and say NO. It is so easy to be sucked into that frame of mind again and then you have to pull yourself out because no one else can do it for you. I wish you the best of luck and don’t forget there are many people to turn to for inspiration and shoulder strength.

    Maureen

  17. 30

    Becca, the last year has allowed me to get to know you a little more as a person and a friend than a blogger and I have loved it! You are one of the most wonderful, solid women I know. Love your guts! xoxo

  18. 31

    I was wondering where you had been! But girl, I hear ya…….loud and clear! And this was just the post I needed to read. I’m not LDS but I love my Jesus and spiritual struggles are the worst. Our relationship with God should be the most important thing and our #1 priority but it’s SO EASY to let everything else get in the way! Ugh. And when that happens, everything else seems to fall apart in a sense too. Thanks for this little wake-up call. You know your bloggy friends love you and will always be here. :) xoxo

  19. 33
    Writer Mama says:

    I like to keep up with your craftiness, but I have to say that this is my absolute favorite post EVER. I hope you take as long as you need to center yourself. I think you are WISE. I went through a very similar anxiety and depression for about two years, and while I didn’t understand what was going on at the time, looking back I am a little freaked out at where I was in my life! I have been writing a novel for the past four years but I would get completely, I mean TOTALLY, absorbed in the writing. Everything suffered: my house, four kids, hubs, spirituality, sleep (!), diet, etc. It was awful and I was so unhappy. A friend’s example was my first step forward–I copied her and began listening to a General Conference talk every morning while fixing my kids breakfast (and getting up 20 minutes earlier to do so). It has been life-changing to start my day with the words of prophets and God’s chosen leaders. Revolutionary!

    So I commend you and wish you the very best. I had to give up my writing for awhile in order to center myself, and now am writing again, but with a renewed perspective, a balanced schedule, and a better understanding of what is important and what is imperative. Thank you for your honest feelings and best of luck!

  20. 34
    Writer Mama says:

    One more thing–i think what your Grammy said is awesome and that is what spurred my change. My oldest is 12. She’ll be out of my care faster than I even want to think about and I was absolutely WASTING my days by not focusing most my free time to be with my family and really enjoy them. Those grandmas that speak from experience are the best!

  21. 36

    Many blessings to you as you pivot….

  22. 37

    good for you!!!!!

  23. 38

    Brilliant! We definitely are all more alike than we are different :) Keep pushing forward! Blessings on your journey!

  24. 39

    Good for you Becca! I love that you are doing exactly what you want to do. It’s a hard thing to be present with a blog and want to be else where at the same time. I too have such an increased desire to improve my spirituality, it matters so much to me now. I went to the temple last week by my self, and it was so special. I hope to make it there a lot this year.

  25. 41

    I’m so happy for you, really. I’ve been struggling with a few things in my personal life, too. I felt like I finally had a grasp of everything and was ready to move on. I posted about our “issues” yesterday as a sort of closure. It helped so much. Enjoy yourself and your family. Always remember that it’s not the things we do in life that wears us down. It’s what we DON’T do. Take care :o)

  26. 43

    Atta girl! Way to bear your soul..I know many can relate. Here’s to more happy days, girl! XO

  27. 44

    Or is it bare your soul?! “Who cares?!” Haha (;

  28. 45

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